My first STD was from a foam party
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
