her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
