how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
