none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
