I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
