Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
