i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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