in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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