She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
