She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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