it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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