Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
