I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
