Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
