yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
