She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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