i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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