omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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