when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
