Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
