Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
