In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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