ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
