This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Text me some of your sweat
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