How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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