I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
