Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
