He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
