Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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