we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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