pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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