Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
