Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
