Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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