Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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