why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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