True but thats because hes a fetus.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
