Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
