lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
