Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
