the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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