Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
