Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
