You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
