I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
