remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
