There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
