Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
