i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
