So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
