My room smells like vodka and shame
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Mom said you looked used
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
