I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
