OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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